I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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