i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
