Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
