he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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