just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
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The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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