everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
