Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
