Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
