I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
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Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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