Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
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I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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