You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
