there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
