i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
