then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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