yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
