why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
