awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
