Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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