goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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