as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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