Moan for me like Helen Keller
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.