ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
