I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
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You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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