i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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