White coat. Heels.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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