My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
