You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
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Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
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if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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