I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
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I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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