i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I skipped work to stalk him.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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