I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
