I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
