It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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