Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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