Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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