It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
