Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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