I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize