Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
