Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Oh god it's open bar.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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