I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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