I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize