Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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