I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
