Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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