My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
