There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize