i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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