So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
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I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
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