You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
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my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
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He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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