Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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