my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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