I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
